Depression · Faith · Forgiveness · Freedom · Prayer

Finding Joy in Hardships

Joy is easy…when times are good. But what about those darkest of times… those days, weeks, months or  even years where you find that everything you dreamed of comes crashing in?

These past few years have been the hardest years of my life.

Now if you know my story, that’s probably a bit hard to believe. But what about your teenage pregnancy?? What about the loneliness of losing all of your high school friends as they went on with their lives without you? What about the months you watched your son suffering in the hospital, wondering if he was going to live to see his first birthday? What about the time where your spouse lost his job and you had no idea how you were going to feed the three young babies depending on you? Harder than those days? Yes. A hundred times…yes.

It hasn’t been the outward kind of hard, where everyone can see what’s going on and rushes in to help. Our health is great, our finances have been good, our marriage is doing well. These are things we so often take for granted until they’re gone. Losing a loved one, failing health, money struggles, or having a rough marriage bring very dark times as well. But these aren’t the type of hardships I’ve faced this past year.

I was quite suddenly faced with a totally unexpected confrontation, during a very difficult season of my life. This brought about a dark feeling of rejection that I can’t, try as I may, find the words to explain. Maybe it’s hard to explain because I’m not free to tell the whole story… just vague little pieces to protect those involved. I think only those who have felt so hurtfully accused, deeply rejected and so utterly confused as to WHY, could fully understand what I’m talking about. But the hardest thing wasn’t that it happened…it’s that was happening for over a year. For months, I went to bed almost every night with my pillow soaked in tears, wondering if I would ever again lie down with peace in my heart. And for the most part, I carried these burdens alone – desperate to talk to someone, anyone who would listen…but my heart was torn because it involved those I loved SO dearly, so I kept silent.

My life, to the very core, was being shaken. At one point I truly believed that I had lost the favour of God on my life. I began to do everything I thought I could do to win his favour back. I tried so hard to admit all my faults, to confess and confess and confess, to not be defensive, to take the blame, to restore the peace…and through it all, I began to let go of something very important; my joy.

My joy was gone. Somewhere along the way, my eyes had turned from looking at Jesus and I began to focus on the problem. Like Peter among the waves, I had stepped out of the boat in full confidence; only to lose sight of the fact that I was never meant to walk on water…I was simply supposed to look at Jesus. When I realized this, healing could begin.

Here I was faced with one of the most difficult questions to ask during a trial: How can something like joy be found again…even if your circumstances haven’t changed?

The first step was to recognize the devil’s lies. I realized that I can’t do works to earn God’s favour. Period. God’s children receive his favour as they look to him. And when we have our eyes on him, he loves to pour out his favour.

I also had to let go of the way I wanted things to turn out. I felt that if I just did my very best, if I prayed hard enough…then God would make things better. As it turns out, God never promises to make the road easy or better. He does promise to work everything for the good of those who love him. And I needed to trust this promise. As soon as I was free from focusing on my problem, I could fully turn my attention to pleasing God.  Then and only then, could I follow the steps HE wanted me to take.

The final piece in my journey to rediscovering joy was found in the book of Philippians. If you haven’t read it before, or even if it’s been a while, read it. It’s a true gem. Here is a book written by a man almost 2000 years ago, who had been through so many trials. At the time he wrote it, Paul was in prison, facing a very lonely future, a trial which could’ve led to his death, and hearing of people against him actually preaching – all while he sits under house arrest. Despite all this, the letter is one of the most joyful and thankful books of the bible. Instead of complaining about the negatives events that surround his current circumstances he chooses to see the positive side of things. He also shares two secrets about finding joy and peace that I began to cling to:

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace…” Philippians 4:6-7

Pray. That much I had done. Telling God what I need. Check! Thank him. Thank him! Thankfulness is part of the secret to having the peace of God in your heart. And I began to thank God, even in my pain. Declaring his goodness out loud is SO POWERFUL! As I began to thank God, day after day, I slowly started to see some good things that had come out of my situation. And then, the final secret to joy:

“…I have learnt the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

I can have joy because he gives me strength.  

This realization, that God wasn’t just watching me suffer from the sidelines – but actively walking through the fire with me and holding me up, brought me great joy! Every painful moment, he was there. Every night I cried, he was holding me. And in my weakness he is beside me, giving me strength. I am not alone. Now that is a reason to have great joy!

“In your presence is fullness of joy, at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11

 

Faith · Forgiveness · Reconcilliation · Repentance

Reconciliation

As I read her response to my message, tears spilled out of my eyes. “Well, that’s it!” I thought, “Another beautiful friendship in my life fading away….”   Then she wrote these words: Can we meet for coffee?

Three hours later I came out of the coffee shop, joy on my face, my heart at peace and my friendship not only restored, but better than it had been before. My friend taught me a lot about reconciliation that day.

Reconciliation. It can be really REALLY difficult. In an age where we prefer to communicate over short texts and messages, yet we’re so busy we don’t have the time to meet face to face, keeping strong and meaningful relationships can be a huge challenge!

I always thought I was a great communicator, but I’m beginning to realize that maybe I’m not actually as great at it as I’ve believed. When someone says something hurtful to me, I always felt the the best thing I could do is to brush it off and think the best of people. And sometimes that really is the best way to deal with offence. Forgive, move on. But with close friendships it actually doesn’t work that way. Words cut a little deeper, because the person saying them means a great deal to us. Before we know it, tension can grow between us. The longer we tend to ignore these things, the deeper and more confusing they become as more offences are added to the previous one. One of the things my friend taught me was that we need to deal with our hurts NOW. And as I thought about it, I realized that it’s actually a very biblical concept:

“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come offer your gift.” Matthew 5:23-24

This is really shocking because what God’s saying is: Worship can wait, forgiveness can not. In fact God knows that if we come to him with unforgiveness in our hearts it will affect the way we worship, it will affect the way we see Him, and it will hinder our prayers. Another verse gives us even more insight as to why God wants us to immediately make things right:

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27

Staying angry gives satan a foothold. This has been proven VERY true in my life. In fact, this weekend I realized how another one of my relationships has been severely damaged just because we WAITED to talk. The longer I waited, the more I dwelt on the negative things that had happened, the more I started to believe the lies in my head:

“She is so selfish”

“She does this often to people, I bet this is why her other friendships have suffered”

“She’s just so hurtful, she doesn’t even try to show grace”

And I started making a very common mistake…in listening to my thoughts and the lies inside my head, I began to assume the other persons thoughts about ME. I think we all tend to go down this path and it’s incredibly dangerous to assume peoples motives and thoughts. Because more than likely we’re wrong.

Maybe this is old news to most of you, but it’s new to me, and learning new things comes with a challenge: Is there anyone I need to make things right with, RIGHT NOW? This may mean cancelling plans, awkward phone calls, and difficult coffee dates. And maybe you’re thinking: I HAVE tried to make things right, it just didn’t work out! Believe me, I understand this FAR more than many people may realize. But one thing I now realize that in my trying to make things right, I have often waited too long. And when we finally met, both of us had come with our lists of things we had spent that time thinking about each other…rather than meeting quickly and hearing what the OTHER person has to say.

So I guess this means that I have to make that effort again, differently this time…and right NOW.