Authenticity · Canada · Writing

Unrealistic Expectations

Is it really nearing the end of May? I feel like it’s passed me by in a blink.

I took a pause to write today.

Not because I really wanted to or because I had a lot to say, but mainly because I’ve been working non-stop on projects this past month and I need to just stop. Stop and remember that there are more important things than work.

“All work no play makes Jack a dull boy” …and it makes me a “grumpy, task focused, tired gal.”

My mind is drained. My body is weary. I work through the aching back and sore neck. I strain through the blisters, the cuts and the bruises. For what exactly?

To distract myself from an uncertain and unfamiliar world.

It’s easier to focus on things, rather than people when it’s people we’re told to avoid. It’s easier just to stay home and ignore the outside world while I work myself to the bone. It’s easier to watch “how-to” videos than the current news.

So I shut it all out and focus on one thing: Making home better.

It took a good sit down this afternoon to realize how hard I’ve been pushing myself and how ridiculous my expectations are. You wanna know what I expected to accomplish this month?

-Lead a weekly bible study on zoom.

– Homeschooling 5 kids.

-Finish our downstairs bathroom (from dingy, concrete floor bathroom to Pinterest post).

-Handtill and plant my garden.

– Repaint my front door.

-Sand down and paint my large back deck and veranda.

– Organize my closets, shed and garage.

– Plant 12 trees on my yard.

– Re-level our ground to set up the above ground pool. Also order a new cover, heater and filter system for it.

– Make front Garden Boxes and fill with soil/shrubs.

-Keep up with all the housework, meals, etc on top of everything else.

I seriously had it down to eight hours of work a day besides my cooking, housework and homeschooling. And it took three weeks of this before I realized that it’s just too much to expect. You think just reading through my “to-do” list would have snapped me back to reality, but in reality, it’s that very “to-do” list that keeps me going at sprinting speed from morning until night.

No time for texting, writing, social media, baking, running, personal care… just my list.

And so I stop, taking the time to write today because I need to. It reminds me of what’s important. God. Family. Laughter, relationships, rest.

And I delete. Check the boxes I’ve done. Let the accomplishments sink in. Cut the other goals in half. They will happen. It does not need to be this month.

Homeschool kids. Check.
Plant a dozen trees. Check.
Feed the family. Check.
Work on basement bathroom. Check.
Next To Do: Find time for joy

To Do:

Level ground and set up pool

Sand and stain deck & veranda

– Repaint front door.

Organize closets, shed & garage

Make front garden boxes and plant shrubs

See you later “to-do” list. I’m taking the rest of the day off.

…Ok. Maybe after I finish planting the garden 😉

Canada · Vulnerability

A Fragile World

Coronavirus. I don’t even need to blog about it, because everyone else has.

Schools are shut down for three weeks.

Sport events are too.

Church is cancelled.

Lineups pile outside of doors before the local grocery stores even open.

Isles are packed with people, void of food…

The world pretends to panic, I sit here and write. It seems surreal. I’m in a book; a doomsday movie.

I run… from the insanity. Breathe in the cool country air.

Real panic is still low, I believe.

Why? Because most people are smiling, letting others ahead in line. Shaking their heads in wonder while they make jokes. Texting pictures of line ups and empty shelves. Kindness is still abundant, violence and aggression are low. This tells me it’s not so bad. We are still a people who have plenty, we don’t know what it’s like to go with out. So far we haven’t seen the desperation of Venezuela.

Real fear is at bay.

I’ve succumbed to the pressure of preparing for something… not sure what. Other crazy shoppers emptying the shelves?? We have food to last us a while. We’re fine. I’m fine. I’m not worried.

Should I be worried?

I feel amused and calm.

Calm because it’s not the end. I think we all know it.

Amused because it’s like we’re all rehearsing for the real thing. We’re not so much afraid of the virus, of halting our lives. But we’re afraid of being helpless. Unprepared. So we prepare ourselves for something much bigger, something completely out of our control.

An illusion of control, in a very fragile world. The world hangs in a balance that we don’t even notice from day today. Movement of small, intricate parts:

Work and school.

The stock markets.

Our health.

Border crossings.

Truckers bringing in supplies.

Smallest changes that tip the scale.

We know this isn’t the end. Yet we live in a fragile world which holds on by a thread. What will be the final tug that pulls this civilization apart?

History doesn’t lie: no “kingdom” lasts forever. All eventually come to an end.

And I think instinctively we know this. So we hold on and rehearse just a little while longer. Each year becoming just a little more paranoid. Live as if death stalks behind us.

As I sit here and watch the desperate gain their illusion of power and control, I wonder, if the end finally does come… will we know it?

Or will we casually laugh at another false alarm?

Canada · winter

Snow Day… in Fall?!?

I took this photo 4 days ago…

It’s October after all! The day was a dream October day… warm, beautiful fall colours starting to show. I was out in my tank top picking the last of my garden carrots.

Today, this is that same view…

Oh and, school is cancelled.

Canada’s snow days are not like snow days in many other places of the world. We LIVE in snow half the year after all. In our school division, it has to be -45°C with windchill for our school to close. Roads have to be impassible to shut down buses. Usually this happens in January or February.

But it’s OCTOBER!! This type of thing is unheard of… like a heat wave in January. Which, by the way, I won’t complain about. I already think winter feels long when it snows in November. It usually lasts until May.

I’m sure hoping that this means that summer vacation is coming in February.

Or I’m moving. Somewhere without snow…

You know of any good places?

Canada · Justice · Politics

Will our Politicians Please Grow Up?

I rarely post about political matters. Partially because they frustrate me and my voice doesn’t particularly stand out in the crowd when it comes to the the way my country is run. Quite possibly, the actual reason I avoid the topic is that I really don’t know enough about politics to get into heated debates.

For that reason, other than voting, I usually keep a large distance from politics.

Like, Grand Canyon, large.

But I love my country.

So, once in a while I get really passionate about the deep flaws in our system.

Mainly, wondering how it is that we have created a system that elevates corruption, while the wise people among us are silenced. When will society finally get so tired of the false exteriors and games our politicians play, that we will once and for all address the superficialities behind campaigning in the west?

Federal Elections are coming up in Canada. Our elections are like child’s play when compared to the grand election campaigns that take place just south of our borders. But it’s still politics, mind you… and it’s as predictable as a cheesy hallmark movie.

Every single election inevitably leads to the media leaking out new and “shocking” information about the terrible past mistakes of our leaders.

It’s politics… time to vote…. out comes the the dirt that NO ONE CARES ABOUT on the candidates.

Every. Single. Time.

Now, I’m personally not a fan of our current Prime Minister. He seems incredibly self-focused, inexperienced, and has all of the qualities of a typical “yes man” most of us cringe at. And he spends our money like it’s going out of style.

Yet the “racist scandal” (if you could call it that), that littered my google news feed this past week, literally had me rolling my eyes.

Someone released a picture of Justin Trudeau at a dress up party, themed Arabian Nights from almost two decades ago with his face painted and the world goes ballistic.

Wait a minute, you’re telling me that he dressed up at a costume party? And now he’s racist? Am I missing something?

Here’s the gem, people, that has everyone’s knickers in a bunch:

In the middle is our beloved Prime Minister.

Face palm.

Yeah, I guess it would be bad taste...

And I would agree, entirely inappropriate….if it were taken at the legislative building in 2019.

Did you know that our society has changed since 2001?

This was not racist at the time, the same way, using the “R” word to describe those with special considerations was not wrong in the 1930s. And the same way that “Indian” was once an acceptable way of addressing our Indigenous people in Canada.

Are we really going to hold people to a standard 20 years from now that they didn’t even have at the time?

And, even otherwise, is the assumption that everyone is the same person today as they were 20 years prior something we really want to believe as a society? That people don’t change their views and grow up eventually?

Twenty years ago I was 11.

Please, no one bring up the lame jokes or the fashion that I had back in middle school (we called it junior high back then) and assume that I still dress and act that way.

I wore bugle boy jeans for crying out loud! And lip gloss! I parted my hair down the middle and had never heard of a hair straightener.

Thank GOODNESS times change…

So are we really assuming that Justin Trudeau hasn’t changed since then either?

As much as I dislike the guy, this was the most pathetic attempt on an attack of his character that I ever have seen.

Actually, it makes everyone in Canadian politics look really bad. And what makes things even worse is when they actually address this immature child-like bickering, as Leaders.

Conservative leader, Andrew Scheer, issued a statement condemning the act.

Seriously?

Do you want to gain my respect Andrew Scheer? Then stand up for your opponent! Nothing reveals a wise and capable leader like someone who is willing to expose all those silly political games and refuse to play into their hands.

Because Justin Trudeau is a lot of things…but racist wasn’t on my list of insults towards him.

I have a list of about 30 things that I am more concerned about with our current leadership, than what he dressed up as in his 20s.

I care about the lack of funding when it comes to hospital staff and public school educational assistants.

I care about the waste of money in every area of government run services.

I care about the unborn who are being aborted up until full-term in Canada. There are no laws regulating abortion in Canada.

I care about the lack of security at our borders.

I care about the rate of unemployment and the unsustainable cost of our welfare system if it keeps rising.

I care about the environment that we are destroying.

I care about the lack of funding and space for those needing nursing homes.

And many other things!!

But you know what I don’t care about? Your silly political games.

No one cares about Justin Trudeau’s dress up party.

Grow up Politicians! Refuse to even address such trivial things. In fact, please begin to dismiss these lame-attacks entirely. You have far more important things to be doing – you have been given the reigns of leadership to an entire nation!

So please, would you stop playing games?

You have a country to run.