“Oh Lord, how long shall I cry for help, and you will not hear? Or cry to you “Violence!” and you will not save? Why do you make me see iniquity, and why do you idly look at wrong? Destruction and violence are before me; strife and contention arise. So the law is paralyzed, and justice never goes forth. For the wicked surround the righteous; so justice goes forth perverted.” Hababkkuk 1:1-4
These days I am mostly unable to write. I am mostly unable to speak. I just watch in deep sadness the events around me, inside the church and the world outside.
Christians are more hated in Canada than ever before. My people, who I love and know, are being labelled anti-science, anti-vaccination, covidiots. Somehow the church has been linked to a political side and that side is hated. Somehow, all the good my people have done is forgotten. And indeed, many have stopped doing any good at all.
It is like an endless nightmare, onslaught of waves. One wave strikes, then another, then another. Each gasp for air growing shorter in between.
Restrictions. Never ending restrictions: I can not attend church. I can’t have people over – not even one – household members only allowed inside or outside at my residence. I cover my face wherever I go. Anger is mounting. Covid cases are multiplying. People are dying. The lonely are locked in, watching life go by through a screen.
This is not the country I’ve known. This is not a world I recognize.
And I think to myself, surely, this is just happening in the world, surely, my church, my people, will be at peace.
But I look, and there’s just as much arguing and strife. My church has split – a painful thing, that should not happen. All the people are scattered. People are forced to chose a side. I’ve seen lifelong friendships shattered. Mothers stand against their daughters. Fathers refusing to speak to their sons. Siblings refusing to speak, refusing to reach out to each other. Cursing wildly at each other while discussing meaningless political stances and divisive theology.
This should not be. Where do I turn? I am so so tired.
But still, I wait, holding on to hope.
“Lord, I have heard of your fame; I stand in awe of your deeds, Lord. Repeat them in our day, in our time make them known; in wrath, remember mercy.” Habakkuk 3:2
everysmallvoice.wordpress.com 
Hey, Heather. I’m tired, too.
I haven’t seen much of the division in our church split. Probably because I’m newer to our church and have built only a few close relationships so far. But I see division elsewhere.
The other day, I made a comment about the restrictions/Covid with a family member, not realizing the vehement counter-comment I would receive. I sensed a strong mixture of fear and anger in this person’s eyes and voice that I rarely saw in them, and never aimed at me. I realized it wouldn’t be wise to continue the conversation and changed the subject. Immediately, a verse came to mind:
“They will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against mother, mother-in-law against daughter-in-law and daughter-in-law against mother-in-law” (Luke 12:53 NIV).
In the past, I could never understand what would cause healthy families to rift so dramatically and all in one season. I couldn’t envision the verse fulfilled. Now I understand. Fear. Fear breeds division and anger. It’s toxic. And it’s everywhere these days.
Father, help us! Guard me against treating others badly because of my own fears. Help me to forgive those who treat me badly because of their fears. Send your Holy Spirit to cleanse our hearts and help us to love, love, love in these desperate times. In Jesus’s name, Amen.
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Oh Sara, I’ve seen far too much of the fear and anger you have described here. Your prayer echos my own: “Come Lord Jesus! Help us!” Your words said it perfectly! (And you said you weren’t good at praying… 😜
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LOL. I pray best by myself or in writing. It’s in person with others that my tongue often gets tied. Not always, but often.
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I have much more freedom in my location than you do it sounds like and yet even I have found myself lately feeling very tired of all this. We’ve been in this for over a year. We don’t know when it will end. We are in need of endurance. We are in need of great patience. I love how incorporate Habakkuk. Recently, this part was on my mind:
4:17-19
17 Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
18 Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
19 The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places.
Keep on keeping on!!! This is “light and momentary” in comparison to the glory we will enjoy forever. Don’t lose heart! God is with us. Every second. He’s got you! Thank you so much for this post. I haven’t been able to keep up in awhile and glad I caught this one.
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I’m glad you “caught it” as well. I haven’t had the energy of motivation to write much on my blog lately. But thank you for your encouragement and the verses you shared… Many people have been through much harder situations in the past. Though I truly don’t see an end to it all. Our numbers are higher than ever, even since I wrote this restaurant’s and most businesses have been forced to close for the third time. Churches are totally closed… I can’t see how we will recover. Even local schools are shutting down. All this comes as Europe and the United States seem to be opening up again.
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I am so sorry!!!
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It’s not so great here but I do fear for your nation. The tyranny is quite insane and I hope one day soon your PM is ashamed of himself but I don’t hold out much hope for that.
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Since October we have not been legally allow to have anyone over outside our own households. Now we can not meet anyone outside either in public or private. While the rest of the world opens up, we stay home or pay the price. Manitoba is worse than the rest of Canada, as we don’t even have a plan to change this course. It feels utterly hopeless.
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This divide is disgusting…no doubt a tool of the enemy. It can be disheartening, and it takes more effort to look at the bright spots where God is at work. I’m glad I’m seeing a little less of the divide as time goes by. We must pray harder than we have ever prayed and take our stand with greater resolve than ever before. Thanks, as always, for your transparency!
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Thanks Matthew. I haven’t been on the blog for a while so I just saw this now. I totally agree. Things will get better. Right now I’m only in the ashes stage where we live – but isn’t that where God’s work is finally able to begin? I do believe that God will bring beauty out of this, it’s just going to take a while to see it.
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