About Me · Faith · Family

An Up and Down Sort of Week

After months and months of the cold Manitoba winter and the heaviness of Covid restrictions, I have to say, I see a light at the end of the tunnel and feel fresh hope that hasn’t been there for a very long time.

I mean, it’s almost spring.

This week, the sun has been out, the birds are chirping and I’ve gotten to reconnect with many people who are very dear to my heart. As the current rules are still quite strict, it has been tricky navigating it all, but I think I have found a semblance of balance and sanity.

A couple days ago our provincial government proposed a few changes to the current restrictions. They say this is the biggest jump in freedoms since our circuit breaker lockdown started back in November. Here’s the list of those that would affect me (there’s a huge list of other proposals that make little to no difference in my current stage of life):

  • Only two designated households allowed to meet, both have to choose each other exclusively.
  • Only groups of ten (plus those living at the household) allowed outside on private residence.
  • Churches open at 25% capacity or 100 people, whichever is less.
  • Businesses, retail, restaurants open at 50% capacity.
  • Sports, swimming pools, libraries, recreation, day camps, gyms, etc. allowed to open in varying capacity.
  • Masks mandatory in all public buildings.

Seeing as one of our only ways to legally see people right now is outdoors, we’ve been having a LOT of outdoor hot tub nights and winter firesides, which I have to say is an entirely new concept to me. I live in Canada; firesides are for summer. However, as long as the wind isn’t strong and the temperatures are close to zero Celsius, I actually have to admit that it has all been quite lovely. This is being said by someone who despises winter. I wish I could live some place warm, by the ocean, but my family is here… So I put up with winter.

I like winter firesides.

Something about the crisp air, the smell of wood and smoke, the heat radiating off of all the faces I love. Pair it with a cozy blanket and a cup of hot chocolate, it may just become a new hobby of mine. If sitting by a fire can count as a hobby. Maybe it’s because I just miss people so much that I’m willing to put up with the cold. Whatever the case, I have now gotten to visit with my sister’s family, our wonderful neighbors, three seperate groups of friends and our parents.

Suddenly life doesn’t seem so lonely anymore.

On Monday the younger two boys and I were alone for the day and we got to go on a walk. It was so warm, sunny, and peaceful. I even brought my sunglasses. Afterward we came home and enjoyed tea together. Then the boys played outside in their snow castle.

On Tuesday, my youngest boy Emerson turned seven!! I can’t believe how fast the time has gone. I remember there was one point that I felt like I was going to be pregnant or carrying around a carseat for the rest of my life. Now my baby hardly needs my help anymore! We were going to go celebrate by eating at a restaurant with the family for the first time since September… but unfortunately we were not allowed to sit together, as a family of seven, even though we live in the same house hold. Gah!! Moments like that make me wonder if the government is purposely trying to crush our businesses. I don’t seriously believing that of course, but please, tell me why a large family sitting together at a restaurant will increase the chances of Covid spread, more than a lot of smaller families sitting in the same restaurant?? There is no reasoning behind rules such as these. And whether people realize it or not, a lot of these rules discriminate against larger families. It is technically against regulations for our family to be invited anywhere (even an outdoor fireside), however, a family of five can be invited places. So I’ve been battling through some angry feelings toward the government, who seem to think life should totally stop forever. Over the past year, it was – in fact – their job to hire more workers, build more hospitals and equip our already overtasked healthcare system to handle an increase of patients. But, as always, they prefer to blame this virus on the average citizen that for months were doing their absolute best to follow all the rules, while trying to live life.

Manitoba, Canada has now been in CODE RED lockdown for 16 WEEKS now. We were told around thanksgiving that if we were “good” for another 3 to 4 weeks we could celebrate Christmas! Ha! We’ll be lucky if we’re legally allowed to all see our parents by Easter, which we also missed last year (at which point we were told “there’s always next Easter”). It’s blatant lies like this that make me wonder why anyone is fully trusting the government at this point.

Ahem…

Back to the birthday. We ending up making pizza at home, ate at home, watched a movie at home… well, you get the idea. I’m making it sound bad. We actually had a lot of fun together and ended off the evening with cake, a “hide-and-go-seek” in the dark game, followed by worship with the family. My boy was a trooper, he just smiled and said: “Well at least my birthday wasn’t cancelled!” But this mother’s heart hurt, even though I put on a brave face and smile for him.

Wednesday and Thursday were busy with homeschooling, more walks, a discouraging meeting that I would rather not get into, and a fireside (which got moved into our garage because of the cold and wind.)

Friday I hit a low.

A I-don’t-want-to-leave-my-bedroom-all-day kind of low.

It started as it usually does these days: with the announcement that our government is only making small changes and these will be in effect for 6 more weeks.

Six weeks. This means that code red will continue until April, even though my area now has ZERO cases. IT literally can’t get any better here. I cried. It’s just not fair. It’s not right. I feel completely helpless and hopeless that things will ever change. It’s like my free country has become a communist one. I haven’t seen my whole family together since October. The next time we will possibly be allowed to meet is in April… if they decide to lift restrictions… or, at this rate, more likely it will be June or July, outdoors.

It’s just not right.

Yet kids are allowed to go to day camp… some sports are allowed to resume. Work and school is allowed. But no still no church and still no family, the two most important things to me.

As the day went on, I spent the day asking God: “Why?”

Finally, in the afternoon, I felt his gentle spirit impress upon my heart that these trials are actually his mercy. I am not ready for any kind of persecution, especially not the kind that the Bible warns us will happen in the end days. Lots of things have been exposed in my life through this past year. I have a lot of anger, resentment, impatience and sometimes downright hate in my heart. He doesn’t want to leave me in that state! These things need to be exposed through hardship so that I can move forward and actually grow in kindness, gentleness, love, joy, patience and endurance.

Oh, I just wish I wasn’t so slow to learn! I wish I was more patient through it all!

Hurry up and teach me Lord!

So I press on: grateful for the hope of spring, prayerful about the current state of this world and certain of God’s goodness.

11 thoughts on “An Up and Down Sort of Week

  1. This here: “It’s blatant lies like this that make me wonder why anyone is fully trusting the government at this point.” This is what we are dealing with down here too. In my small area our restrictions are not as tight and if they are, I don’t know about them. I’ve been going about my life as best as I can. We don’t have a lot of friends or a home church right now so we aren’t feeling it as much as some, but if we did still have friends, I’m pretty sure we’d all be ignoring the government and getting together. We live in such a rural area, I can’t see them sending in the state police, who are already stretched thin, to drag us out of our homes. Who knows though. I’ve seen footage from your country and Australia where this has happened.

    I could go on for a bit about all of this ridiculousness but instead I will tell you that I wanted to comment on this post this morning as soon as I read it. I knew I needed to listen to the sermon though (the church we have been visiting isn’t fully open at this time and they share the sermons on FB, but I deleted my account) so I did that first. I’m glad I did because the pastor was talking about something that you and I are both dealing with through all this. We are feeling the darkness, big time, right now. We are in the Valley of a time that is scary. The pastor I listened to was Steven Furtick (some people don’t like him but I wish they’d listen to his entire sermons and not just his clip..especially this year. He’s really gotten deeper into the word than in the past) and the sermon will be on their YouTube Channel tonight (Elevation Church). Anyhow, one thing that stood out to me was how he talked about needing to get through the bad to get to the good. I don’t know if that “good” means things will be better for us on earth, maybe it will come when earth has faded away, but it means that God is good, even in the darkness.

    Steven asked: “Are you waiting for it to get good in your life when God is waiting for you to get good in your mind?”

    He talked about when Jesus was going to heaven and the disciples didn’t want him to leave because he was all they’d ever known and who they’d followed and he told them that “It is good for you that I am going away” because when he went away the Holy Spirit came to live in us. He said when we are saying, “It’s getting hard,” or “It’s getting scary,” to follow up with “it’s getting good” because the good will come after the darkness. I needed to remember that because I am frightened of all that is happening – the control, the loss of freedoms, the censorship, the strikes against people of faith in your country and mine. But it is getting good because God’s glory will be even better than all we are seeing here. Remind me I wrote this because I know I’ll struggle again this week. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve heard about that pastor and have definitely been meaning to check him out. Thanks for all your thoughts here, I really appreciate what you all shared. I know that we in Canada are not alone in this but sometimes it is extremely frustrating to see our government respond the way it does when so many people in the world are now living free of restrictions! I can only hope we see that day again. But until then, I have no choice but to allow God to work in my life. Like you said, the good will come after the darkness… I just need to learn to wait!

      Ha ha! I will definitely remind you, if I remember it myself 😜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can’t believe I rambled that much — I hope it doesn’t sound preachy or like I have it all together because I have the same feelings of anger as you, especially for the way this is affecting children. We’ve had an increase in suicides in this country, especially among our youth. If you could see me yelling at my computer screen some days, you would see how upset it gets me. I have to force myself to take breaks from the news and social media or my brain just gets overloaded and I get extremely depressed. I battled that this week big time!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I didn’t take it like that at all Lisa! The increase of suicides is heartbreaking, as is all the stories we do not hear about. Like the elderly shut in alone, or new moms struggling with their babies and no real support. Or a whole generation of younger people staring at screens, completely addicted, because they are told everything else is dangerous for them. Heartbreaking indeed.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I agree: it’s not right what our government is doing here.

    Lord, please give us the grace to suffer these injustices. Reveal the deep motives of our hearts and help us to want to change and grow. Also, open the eyes of our leaders. Soften their hearts and ease their pride so they will proceed with reasonable caution, rather than try to control us. Amen.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You’re amazing! This is all REALLY hard on the mama’s, especially when it comes to family. 😦 But you’re doing so awesome, and I pray that this will all be behind us soon!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I know what you mean about feeling like your heart has been exposed. So often I have found myself realizing lately – “Ugh…I am so EVIL!” If I get so upset about small injustices how would I handle anything big? And yet…the rules just simply don’t make any sense and certainly seem to disregard the values of church and family.

    Like

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