Authenticity · Vulnerability

Grieving what we’ve Lost

We’ve lost some difficult things.

Today was the day we were supposed to wake up our kids in an hour and pull them mysteriously into the van. They would blink their eyes in confusion at the suitcases and surprise packages around them. We would then tell them the news:

We are going on a SURPRISE family trip!

There were packages to open along the way: a new iPad. Blank comic books. Candy and travel games.

They would scream in excitement and awe that we had surprised them. The next six days would be driving, restaurant meals, family visits, and water park rides.

BUT… today I mourn because instead, I wake up to a completely different day: Ryan’s alarm going off for work. I will wake up and make breakfast, homeschool the kids and then try to keep them joyful for the rest of the day. Surprise travel gifts and the iPad were opened a week ago, now used for school work.

My kids don’t know about the trip, thank goodness we decided to surprise them. It’s just one less disappointment they have to face.

Still, my daughter was discouraged yesterday. Deeply discouraged. As an optimist at heart, I did what I could to be upbeat and see the blessings. But mainly, I just listened because there wasn’t much to say: I am sad too.

I shared what I was sad about… I’m mourning the normalcy of life, as we all are.

I was sad, because I did my hair and makeup to go get the groceries this week. I cry, because I’m sick of people on screens. I cry, because there’s no hopeful message… just experts repeatedly saying: “It’s going to get worse before it gets better.”

I long for an end date. We all do.

I’m mourning family gatherings, church events, and meeting with people. I’m mourning date nights with my husband and visiting my grandparents.

I shared as we put together a puzzle.

We went on a walk, the air was crisp. She shared her heart, her tears. As we walked, she visibly brightened. The sun started setting. The fields were beautiful with the spring water glistening in them. Then we came back home and gathered the family for a drive. Picking up some drive thru iced cream and drove around until dark, looking at some of the beautiful homes people live in.

My youngest pipes up from the back: “When I grow up I will find the biggest house and choose that one.”

We laughed at the innocent comment and came home FULL. The grieving had allowed small glimpses of joy to set in. The grieving allowed us to move on.

So friends: grieve. Then keep going.

16 thoughts on “Grieving what we’ve Lost

  1. I’m so sorry for your loss of that trip, Heather. That is deeply disappointing. I hope the extra family time you have now will cause you all to connect even deeper and that when this is all over, you will be able to take a special trip and enjoy it even more. Blessings to you and your family!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Alison. Many people have and are losing much more than I, but I think it’s still healthy to grieve our losses. And yes, if we do take that trip in the future, our thankfulness will be that much greater!!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, we have all lost 😢 It like this week we’ve finally been realizing it, it’s now hitting home and heartbreaking to watch! I’m so thankful that we can bring these emotions to God and that he knows our pain!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sorry you lost out on the surprise trip. But you can do it in the future.
    It is the strangest time I can remember in my lifetime. I went to a store earlier today and there was plexiglass put up between the cashier and customers. I didn’t see anyone smiling.

    It will be hard to not gather together with others on Easter Sunday.

    This time will pass and when we can once again return to normal life the simple things will mean so much more.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you!

      Yes, here too, it’s hard to see an already cold and distant society separating from each other even more. Six foot distances, plexiglass, hoarding, selfish people in front of screens. I’m afraid this time has really brought out the worst in many people….

      BUT the best in others. In the person who gives the last packages of toilet paper away to those who are running out. In the people spending multiple hours a day calling up the elderly to encourage them and tell them that they are not forgotten. In the families that are together now and have finally slowed down enough to enjoy each other. There’s good and bad happening. And I think it’s so healthy to let ourselves mourn the sad things we see, while never forgetting to look for the good!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. It is healthy to do both little sister as long as we don’t let the sad things overwhelm us. When I start to feel overwhelmed by it all that is when I need to take time with Jesus.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am definitely burned out on the negative news and very burned out on trying to figure out if the “experts” are telling the truth or not. I also think that it is unnecessary to keep running tallies in our faces of the dead — just not helpful when all the information is so muddled. I’m sorry about your trip. What a crushing disappointment 🙁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Lisa. It was a disappointment, but I think the hardest thing for me is remembering what was and what no longer is. I’ve been finding it hard to even message people back lately. I’m still reading posts, I’m just not up to responding. I write, delete. Write, delete. What can we even say anymore?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. One day at a time and sometimes on minute at a time. You’re not alone. I’m struggling too but staying connected with people on here and other places is needed, not only for me, but for them. Just know that hearing you are feeling the same is me is a huge comfort to me.

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  4. Awww sorry you had to cancel your family trip. But you’re right, we must grieve and move on. I miss normal life too. I’ve noticed the messages of gloom and doom on the news, but I’m thankful we always have hope in Christ Jesus. Enjoy your day! ☀️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

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