Sit down. Breathe.
The first morning to rest in weeks. Well, maybe just a bit of rest, there’s a lot of catch up to do.
Oh, what to do? What to do with this extra hour of time. An hour of quiet. An hour of alone time.
Should I read?
Go for a quick run on the treadmill? It’s been over a week since I last could run. Since I last had the time. The strength.
Weddings and long flus do that you know. My house was a place of bustling activities for the past week. So many people. Wonderful people. But a house full of 14 wonderful people, still holds the chaotic mess of the McCallister family from Home Alone.
Yup that was our place. Add a wedding and the flu to whatever you’re imagining. Harry and Marv didn’t even dare stop by￼. Our house was too much for even them. ￼
Oh and I almost forgot…there was a wedding cake order that I had to make in the mix. A large one:
Where was I going with this?
Right. Alone time. Rest.
That was supposed to be this morning.
Then the phone rings. My son, who was already sick last week with the flu, just threw up at school.
Morning of rest… OVER.
This is an honest look at Motherhood. An exhaustion￼ that goes beyond exhaustion.
Reality: I don’t get a break. I am Mom.
Also Reality: This is why I need Jesus everyday.
Every. Single. Day.
This past week was impossible for me￼. If anything, it showed me how human I truly am.
I can’t do it all.
I really can’t! I need help. When I’m up at night holding buckets in front of kids, when I’m up early in the morning doing laundry, when I’m up late after everyone else is gone to bed, baking and decorating wedding cakes & cleaning up the mess that’s left behind￼, I am not enough.
In fact my character shows it. I become snappy. I become focussed on things rather than people.￼￼ I grow bitter and bossy￼. For crying out loud, I quit a card game with my family because I was losing￼. Immature much??
My normal capacity to handle stress was gone.
Put me in any one of these situations￼: Host. Wedding. Cake Decorator. Sick family… and I can do it.
I can handle anything. (Or so I think)
But put me in all of the situations at once and I break.￼
Everyone has a breaking point. This was mine.
I am human￼.
I am weak.￼
The inside yuck comes out, and surprise, surprise, I’m just as short tempered￼, grumpy, and controlling as anybody else.
It gives me a lot of grace, to think this way. Because what￼ is this trial compared to so many others have gone through and are going through right now?
Oh, that I would have eyes to see this! We are all just humans, struggling along￼ in our weakness. We actually cannot do anything￼.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
Not some things. All things.
As I sit now, resting, with my hand in his. I believe it. Because he never said that I have to do everything￼ perfectly. I just need to hold his hand in mine and stay soft through it all.
When I fall, ￼all he asks is me to reach out again and get back up.
That I can do.￼
If this is what keeps me humble, if this is what keeps my heart soft towards others, then Jesus, I thank you for it.￼ Bring me to my breaking point over and over so that I learn to truly rely on you. Then I will truly do all things in your strength and not my own.