I didn’t want to run.
It was the first day in three weeks that I had a morning free. There was nothing on my schedule: Just me and my laptop, working on a book that has taken me far too long to edit.
But there it was… my reminder that rings three times a week, encouraging me to run.
So I did. I ran even though I would’ve rather done almost anything else. Give me five baskets full of laundry and I would’ve rather washed and neatly folded them today. I will scrub toilets. I will wipe snotty noses. Just don’t make me run.
Now before you wonder what is wrong with me, you must understand that I usually look forward to running, especially in summer when I can leave the confines of my treadmill and breathe the fresh air. I love to race down our gravel roads and see the world around me. Often, I see birds, deer or squirrels. I once saw a coyote from a distance in the field. I see sunsets and sunrises. I see golden fields and tall stalks of corn in perfectly straight rows. On those days, I love my home. I love my country. I love running.
But this time, I hated it.
I hated the way my knees hurt when I started moving. The stale basement air. The loud motor of the treadmill and the boring white wall that I stare at for minute after long minute.
But I need to run. I know all to well the depression that awaits when I begin to skip days. Running is a discipline and although it’s good for my body, it’s so much more than that. It reminds me of the other things that we often neglect because it’s just “too hard”. Devotions. Marriage. Parenting. Health. Church. Housework. Friendships.
So, I ran. But instead of focusing on the drywall in front of me, I put on music and I ended up weeping as I ran to these precious words by Hillsong Young & Free:
FIRST LOVE
VERSE 1
This is all I want
That the love I have for You
Doesn’t fade along with youth
Can You help with that
The reason that I ask
I’ve seen far too many friends
Walk away and not come back
I want more than that
PRE-CHORUS 1
I won’t wash away
Like branches in rain
I’d rather be kindling in the light
CHORUS 1
Set me on fire like I’ve never known
I want to love You more as life goes on
So all of my days I’ll place
My first love first again
VERSE 2
This is all I pray
Over everything I ask
That my friends one day come back
Can You help with that
God I know You can
‘Cause the fire won’t mean a thing
If it ends right here with me
You want more than that
PRE-CHORUS 2
The river runs fast
But You wait at the banks
And pull us like driftwood from the wild
CHORUS 2
So set me on fire like I’ve never known
I want to love You more as life goes on
So all of my days I’ll place
My first love first again
Amen Jesus. “I want to love you more as life goes on.” Father, this is my hearts desire for your people.
I’m so glad I ran. But what’s more, I’m so glad it turned into worship.
Keep running … you’ll get there
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That’s what I should do today too…(sigh)…
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Yup. Some days it doesn’t come easy…
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I’m not a runner at all. Asthma, over weight, thyroid, you name it, but I can attest to avoiding some of those other things. Made it to a real in person church service yesterday, though, and I felt like I finally stepped over a hurdle. Sadly, I think we are moving from here soon and we Will have to find another church but … we will try again and maybe drive back up and visit this one sometimes.
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That’s good to hear. I hope it was an encouraging experience for you. That’s awesome that you plan to return. The body of Christ is everywhere and often I am so amazed by how I can attend church elsewhere, yet I feel somehow so connected to “strangers.”
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God certainly had good things in store for you on your run. I’m glad it turned out to be a blessed time. Those are beautiful words in the song.
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It’s amazing how he can use such everyday things to grab our attention 💕
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I totally relate to not wanting to workout but forcing myself because I know I need it. I love the comparison to other things that require a commitment–good point that we often neglect things that require constant care and devotion! Sadly, a relationship with God is an example.
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Thank you very much for this great post, I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and hearing your thoughts! I have recently published a new article on my blog presenting my perspective on Hillsong and whether it’s negative perception in the media is justified. If you have time, it would be great if you could check out my post and let me know your thoughts! Thanks 🙂
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Thank you! I’ll definitely check your article out!
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Thank you!
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