What They Don’t See

They see me run.

But they don’t see the struggle,

fierce determination,

deep hurt,

raw pain,

rejection,

and anger unleashed.

Ten more minutes.

Why is it that the last ten are the hardest?

My breaths become deeper,

The pain is a reminder of what I’m fighting for.

Nine.

They don’t ask, so I don’t tell.

When they don’t know, all must be well.

Keep to myself, nobody gets hurt.

Eight.

I tried so hard,

A wanna be person.

Driven. Focused. Self sufficient.

Unimportant.

Seven.

No cheerleaders here.

Pressing on on my own,

Fighting my battles with tears.

Six.

Maybe if I try just one more time,

Would they see my soft heart?

Or despise my persistence.

See my deep longing?

Or loathe my existence.

Five.

Half over.

I heard of a man who knew all the Psalms,

So it became my mission to know them all.

Quote my verses some more.

I know ever so many, but no clue what for.

Four.

I paid all my bills not a second to late,

Gave all my tithes,

Opened my gates.

Three.

I forgave all my foes,

But they haunt me at night.

Why continue pursue me when I gave up the fight?

Two.

Learning a language.

But why bother, just to speak it alone?

Writing a book,

But if no one cares, what am I writing for?

One.

One more minute of striving for this,

Why do I bother?

Driven to conquer sadness,

Through sadness.

Done.

I’ve conquered this run.

I’ve won the struggle.

Left depression behind.

The next day to find.

Tomorrow I start it all over again.

Waiting for the day, my running can end.

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15 thoughts on “What They Don’t See

  1. I really like how you used each minute to interval the poem, there are so many “pointless” pursuits that become quite meaningful when the countdown ends.

    Even through the funk, this was motivating to read! I feel like I should insert my own personal 10 and read it each morning.

    Like

  2. I wish the run would too become a pleasure at times, exhilarating , renewed energy, filled with a steadfast hope on the prize set before us❣️ Remember there are cheerleaders, in the wings praying…I for one need to step up & cheer you on more loudly😍. Blessings on your run 🏃🏽‍♀️ today, you are loved & a beautiful gal, God’s chosen one💞🤗

    Liked by 2 people

  3. What a fun, rhythmic poem. I enjoyed reading it!

    As a runner and a wannabe writer, I can relate. You captured in the poem what it feels like to exercise (write), to finish a run (complete the first draft), to do sprints (edit), to finish a race (sigh, no publication yet . . . I’m trying to get there!).

    Liked by 1 person

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