I’m not writing here much these days.
Perhaps it’s partly because I’ve been busy, but mostly I think it’s out of disappointment.
I started writing because of a dream I had one night: A dream of going back to school and becoming a journalist. A dream of doing what I’ve always loved – writing. At the time I had the dream, college was extremely unlikely and out of my reach. It actually still is.
So I started this blog.
The purpose of this blog?
-To grow in my ability to write.
-To gain feedback.
-To encourage others in the midst of trials.
-To speak about my pain to an unknown group of people, because I couldn’t talk about it to anyone.
I wrote to give a fresh perspective, a godly view.
But as I left Facebook and eventually Instagram, I slowly lost more and more feedback and followers. I lost people who actually cared about what I had to say and I wound up with a handful of people who would give small bits of feedback, mostly of whom were strangers. I literally know five people who read my blog. And although I have almost 100 followers, those numbers really mean nothing. Many of the wordpress writers have one goal in mind: To gain more followers and if liking my posts and following my blog gains them a follow, they do it.
So really, I thought I had left social media, only to find myself on another form of it.
Blogging has become for me a lonely place, a reminder of the way the world is changing and a painful reminder to me of how there are already too many writers in the world.
There’s no room for another one.
So…is this me saying “good-bye” to blogging?
Or maybe just putting it aside for a while as I desperately try to find a use and a purpose for my love of writing. Not one that just gains another “like” on social media – I am SO tired of “likes”! I want to write in such a way that inspires people, challenges them and makes a positive difference in the world.
I realize I’m walking around rather blindly on this road of writing. I’m not quite sure exactly how one publishes a book, or how they even get it to the shelves. I don’t even know any writers. Do they have support? Do they have people who care about what they write? Or did they start off like me? With people around them who don’t care for books and no one to ask about these things…
So I travel this path, in the middle of writing a book, unsure if anything will come out of it or if it will too end up with my discouragement and lack of interest. Will anyone really want to read it? Will they be honest with me about it? Can I take their honesty? Or will it crush me? I don’t want to have people “pity-read” my book and I definitely don’t want those around me to feel obligated to pick it up. So to be brutally honest, I’m actually too embarrassed to even share it.
How exactly do you share something as personal as a book? Will anyone even care or will they just absently comment: “Oh, that’s nice!”
Now, there are definitely people who have sincerely encouraged me. And I want to thank you if you are one of them. If you are one who has truly read and enjoyed this blog, from the bottom of my heart: Thank-you. Your encouragement means a lot to me! More than you could possibly know. You are probably one of the few I have already mentioned my book to. And hey, maybe the next time I’m on here, I’ll be announcing my best-selling, award winning book 🙂
Or maybe I’ll simply announce that I’ve finished it.
Or maybe I’ll be sharing my sob story of my flop of a book.
More likely, I’ll just be back one day, ready to write again with a new passion for blogging.
I’m sure I’ll be back eventually.
That’s the thing about unfamiliar paths, you never really know what you will find at the end, until you try it out.
Love always, Heather